This last weekend the Zontals took a trip to Iowa to watch the Royals game away from the big city lights. night was full of frivolities and high-fives as our boys in blue clinched the AL Pennant for the second year running. Before leaving the local Applebee’s, word made it through the ranks that there was an Ultimate tournament in town as well. Never turning down a challenge to throw down in the Middie, the Z’s cleared their weekend schedules to toss around some plastic over the rolling hills of Ames, Iowa. Splitting for the first time into A and B squads this season, the HorrorZontals were once again joined by their little brothers, the VertiKills.
Wind. The great equalizer it’s said. Try as it might, though, the Zontals fought their way through day one and 20+ mph winds. Our first game of the day against St. Mary’s was a short affair. Despite the dark clouds and cutting winds, the Zontals were well and truly fully torqued. Upon seeing this display, St Mary’s took a look down, and seeing their own incompetence, and probable incontinence, loaded back up and drove off into the wilderness, not to be seen again. Talk about blue balls.
The second game brought up the North Dakota State Sky Bison. Despite trading points early, and even suffering a break, the O-line promptly proceeded to get their collective shit together and scored every subsequent possession. Handing the impetus to the D-line, they didn’t disappoint. On the menu for the D-line: bison burgers sandwiched by layout D’s and served with a side of monster skies. 13-9.
Next up was a split Iowa State split B squad. We ended up taking ISUC Bx down 13-5. Not a whole lot happened this game. Will’s hat proved to be instrumental for the O-line. If you asked anyone about the game, that’s probably what they would remember about it.
Rounding up the pool play 3-0, the Zontals arrived to the crossover game facing our oldest nemesis. That’s too strong of a word actually. If you’ve ever walked through a wild pasture, you’ve probably stepped in a buffalo chip. You feel the crunch/squish combo. You lift up the heel of your shoe, and say, “Damn, that’s kind of an inconvenience,” before scraping it off on the grass around you. That’s right, K-State up next. More savvy, solid O-line play led by Tommy “My Ballz Aren’t THAT Old” Gebhardt, big dick D’s from Nate Daugg, and a great attitude from Trent showed the Buffalo Chips why that Big Red Z still means #1.
The B team may not have won a game , but they’re proving to everyone why they’re still the top party-winning, farm system in the land. Led by Zontal Legend Mr. Zeets, the Vertikillz managed to clog their way through three hotel toilets, drink their way through a literal pallet of Radler and Bud Light, and topped it off with a human pyramid to retrieve a lost disc from the top of Super 8. Truly memorable.
morning. The Zontals line up Nebraska and Northern Iowa in their sights and let loose. A combined line of 26-8. Shattered plastic tossed to the sidelines. Broken ankles littered over the field. Peach’s hamstring lies lonely amongst the wreckage. The only reminder that there were two sides to these affairs. The Zontals emerge from this frozen, misty morning victorious and ready for the games to come. Let us first remember those that brought us here. Young Bret truly shone this morning. A light amongst the mist, the future for the Zontals truly is bright. Jeremy “Kitty” Katz, barely a scratch upon his soft complexion, instead choosing to turn his claws to the opponents. There’s still hope for a Zontal Calendar fundraiser. Alex Clarence Dennis Clarence Alex, proving that men with buns can really run. Using porto-o-john’s are still an issue. And of course Alex P[random consonants]. Proving that yes, wingsuits are a viable, practical option when running downwind; all you have to do is wear a big shirt.
This brought us to hometown heroes ISUC for the semifinal. They started on O, and held their first possession, but it wasn’t long until the Break Train rolled into the station. Trent, ditching his “I have a great attitude” persona, actually played like he’s been playing this goddamn game for five years now. Well enough to gain mention in the post-tournament team talk I might add. His tenacity on defense and precision hucks on the turn led the D-line to getting the breaks needed to put the O-line at ease. Knowing all they had to do was throw 175g worth of plastic to each other 70yds down a patch of grass, the O-line proceeded to calmly and surely...huck the disc for every score. ISUC literally had no answer for our deep game. Better throws, better catching, and (4 years too late for Vinny) better athletes led the Z’s into the final with a score of 13-10. The unfortunately-named ContraBears were up next.
Current holders of the Sectional title, and college-student-budget-
friendly (the same uni’s for how long now? I know they say don’t change a good thing...but yeesh...make sure it’s good first) WashU were contending against your Zontals for the tournament title. What’s sure to be a common contest the rest of the season resulted in another classic game between the two squads. The Z’s struck first, and struck fast. Holding our O point, and then breaking twice in a row, the Z’s were on top 3-0 before WashU realized that the game had actually started. Having seen our deep game working so reliably the first half of the first half, Contra reacted by throwing a zone and stifling our deep game. At first it was business as usual, but a long, drawn-out half resulted in the Z’s taking half 7-6. Back on serve. Perhaps it was fatigue from only running 15 guys all weekend, and 14 , or the nerves of a final, but their zone ended up getting the best of the O-line on a few more occasions. Despite the D-lines best efforts, with rookies and vets alike both making outstanding plays to make the WashU O-line take at least 15+ throws and several turns before finally scoring, tired legs finally got to us. The Zontals dropped the game 12-9.
This was the first final of the year for the Zontals, but despite dropping it to a sectional rival, we're ready to improve and make sure when we're in the next final we're ready to go. Gearing up for MLC in two weeks: Refocus and Reload.
Here we go BoyZ
J. "The Best Kotzman" Kotz