Saturday, March 28, 2015

Old Capitol Open

Hello Zontal Nation

I know it has been a while since we last updated this godforsaken place, but hey nothing is perfect (except Brooks Hidaka's hair). I will be laying down some phat news for everyone to keep up with current Horrorzontals affairs. I will try to keep updates frequent because I know you guys love to know what goes on with the Zboyz.

This weekend, the Zontals made their way up to Cedar Rapids, IA to compete in the Old Capitol Open hosted by Iowa Hawkeye Ultimate Club. The day started off strong with a first round bye. The first game was against Valparaiso. After giving away an early break, the Zontals come up with the lead at half 7-3. That's when the big dicks were flung out. Finishing the game with a HOT bookends by Kyle "Johnny Utah" Strickland and holding back Valpo to a measly 2 point gain in the second half, your very own Zboyz walk away from their first game blazing with a 13-5 victory!

Next victim: Wisconsin-B. These guys are no pushovers, but no team is better at hanging dong than the Zontals, believe it! The game started breakless up to 5-4, but some good old fashion Zontal hucks made quick work of the rest to end the half up 7-4. Beginning of the second half, the Zboyz get straight to it and go up 10-4 thanks to some smooth throws and smart cuts by Alex "Meatman Jr." Dennis,  Jakob "Jive Hat" Yedo, and Matt "Primetime" Primovich. After an incident with alleged corduroy pants and some long grinding ultimate action, the Zs come up with another fat W, winning 13-8. That's what Zontals do, baby!

A wild Wisconsin-Black River Falls appeared! I choose you, Horrorzontals! The boyZ unleashed hell on these poor guys, catching scores faster than I can count (my mom says I can count real fast). Letting BRF have a point for showing up, the Zs took first half with authority 7-1. And just when you thought it couldn't be more perfect, the team tightened up their game even more! The disc flow was so strong that we witnessed the very first case of spontaneous combustion of a disc. Rookie Zs saw some quality playing time this half and took full advantage of it by playing their hearts out; that's the sort of thing that makes me proud to call myself a Zontal. In the end, the good guys absolutely dominated the third game of the day 13-1! Need some ice for those bruised dicks, BRF?

Last game of the day was against a formidable Duluth team. The boyZ took an early lead but saw it fade away as Duluth tied it up to 4s. Zontals were fighting hard and playing tough, but ended up losing half 5-7. After a much needed speech by the honorable Nathan "Nate Daugg" Bray, the Zs jump back into the fire for their last half of the day. All of second half, the Z squad inched closer to tying it up with Duluth, including a sweet huck from Eric "Winks" Winkler to Primetime for a break to put the Zontals within 2, score 9-11. A fight well fought, but the boyZ were handed their first and only loss of the day.

Not too shabby, eh? Horrorzontals ripped a whole lot o' dicks for a 3-1 record in pool play and will begin play in the championship bracket tomorrow! It's a great day to be a Zontal!