Saturday, December 19, 2015

Santa Barbara Invite Tournament

The Horrorzontals were accepted to the Santa Barbara Invite tournament in California. The tournament is in California so while the rest of the team is in Kansas, 17 players and Coach Jack  will be experience beautiful Southern California weather the last weekend of January. This tournament is a result of the hard work that everyone on this team put in last fall. I know that everyone on this team is excited for the opportunity of an invite tournament and will put in even  more work over break so that we can show the West Coast what Kansas ultimate is all about.


Wednesday, November 11, 2015

This past weekend the Horrorzontals went to MLC and ended up taking 7th place. We started out in Pool D as the second seed. We played Wisconsin B first, W-Eau Claire second, and Vandy third. We won all of those games and decided to end Saturday on a universe point win against Iowa, the number one seed of the pool. We were onto the Championship bracket!

Our first game was against Notre Dame. They put up a good fight but we put up a better one. We ended up winning that pre-Quarters game and advanced to the Quarter Finals. We were playing Missouri. We fought our hardest but sadly we lost. We were sent to the 5th seed bracket and played Minnesota. While Finkelstein and Bumsted had a bromance of a game, our hearts weren't in it and we lost. Texas was our next opponent and while we played a good first half, the other team had to go catch a flight leaving us with 7th place. Everyone played great this weekend up we still ended up short. The team will be doing a lot of work in the off season. Hopefully it'll pay off and  we can show the nation what the Horrorzontals are all about.

If you wish to see footage from MLC or Ames, it was just uploaded to ZontalsFootage.

Monday, October 26, 2015

This last weekend the Zontals took a trip to Iowa to watch the Royals game away from the big city lights.  Friday night was full of frivolities and high-fives as our boys in blue clinched the AL Pennant for the second year running.  Before leaving the local Applebee’s, word made it through the ranks that there was an Ultimate tournament in town as well.  Never turning down a challenge to throw down in the Middie, the Z’s cleared their weekend schedules to toss around some plastic over the rolling hills of Ames, Iowa.  Splitting for the first time into A and B squads this season, the HorrorZontals were once again joined by their little brothers, the VertiKills.

Wind.  The great equalizer it’s said.  Try as it might, though, the Zontals fought their way through day one and 20+ mph winds.  Our first game of the day against St. Mary’s was a short affair.  Despite the dark clouds and cutting winds, the Zontals were well and truly fully torqued.  Upon seeing this display, St Mary’s took a look down, and seeing their own incompetence, and probable incontinence, loaded back up and drove off into the wilderness, not to be seen again.  Talk about blue balls.  

The second game brought up the North Dakota State Sky Bison.  Despite trading points early, and even suffering a break, the O-line promptly proceeded to get their collective shit together and scored every subsequent possession.  Handing the impetus to the D-line, they didn’t disappoint.  On the menu for the D-line: bison burgers sandwiched by layout D’s and served with a side of monster skies. 13-9.  

Next up was a split Iowa State split B squad.  We ended up taking ISUC Bx down 13-5.  Not a whole lot happened this game.  Will’s hat proved to be instrumental for the O-line.  If you asked anyone about the game, that’s probably what they would remember about it.

Rounding up the pool play 3-0,  the Zontals arrived to the crossover game facing our oldest nemesis.  That’s too strong of a word actually.  If you’ve ever walked through a wild pasture, you’ve probably stepped in a buffalo chip.  You feel the crunch/squish combo. You lift up the heel of your shoe, and say, “Damn, that’s kind of an inconvenience,” before scraping it off on the grass around you.  That’s right, K-State up next.  More savvy, solid O-line play led by Tommy “My Ballz Aren’t THAT Old” Gebhardt, big dick D’s from Nate Daugg, and a great attitude from Trent showed the Buffalo Chips why that Big Red Z still means #1.

The B team may not have won a game Saturday, but they’re proving to everyone why they’re still the top party-winning, farm system in the land.  Led by Zontal Legend Mr. Zeets, the Vertikillz managed to clog their way through three hotel toilets, drink their way through a literal pallet of Radler and Bud Light, and topped it off with a human pyramid to retrieve a lost disc from the top of Super 8.  Truly memorable.

Sunday morning.  The Zontals line up Nebraska and Northern Iowa in their sights and let loose. A combined line of 26-8.  Shattered plastic tossed to the sidelines.  Broken ankles littered over the field.  Peach’s hamstring lies lonely amongst the wreckage.  The only reminder that there were two sides to these affairs.  The Zontals emerge from this frozen, misty morning victorious and ready for the games to come.  Let us first remember those that brought us here.  Young Bret truly shone this morning.  A light amongst the mist, the future for the Zontals truly is bright.  Jeremy “Kitty” Katz, barely a scratch upon his soft complexion, instead choosing to turn his claws to the opponents.  There’s still hope for a Zontal Calendar fundraiser.  Alex Clarence Dennis Clarence Alex, proving that men with buns can really run.  Using porto-o-john’s are still an issue.  And of course Alex P[random consonants].  Proving that yes, wingsuits are a viable, practical option when running downwind; all you have to do is wear a big shirt.

This brought us to hometown heroes ISUC for the semifinal.  They started on O, and held their first possession, but it wasn’t long until the Break Train rolled into the station.  Trent, ditching his “I have a great attitude” persona, actually played like he’s been playing this goddamn game for five years now.  Well enough to gain mention in the post-tournament team talk I might add.  His tenacity on defense and precision hucks on the turn led the D-line to getting the breaks needed to put the O-line at ease.  Knowing all they had to do was throw 175g worth of plastic to each other 70yds down a patch of grass, the O-line proceeded to calmly and surely...huck the disc for every score.  ISUC literally had no answer for our deep game.  Better throws, better catching, and (4 years too late for Vinny) better athletes led the Z’s into the final with a score of 13-10.  The unfortunately-named ContraBears were up next.

Current holders of the Sectional title, and college-student-budget-friendly (the same uni’s for how long now? I know they say don’t change a good thing...but yeesh...make sure it’s good first) WashU were contending against your Zontals for the tournament title.  What’s sure to be a common contest the rest of the season resulted in another classic game between the two squads.  The Z’s struck first, and struck fast.  Holding our O point, and then breaking twice in a row, the Z’s were on top 3-0 before WashU realized that the game had actually started.  Having seen our deep game working so reliably the first half of the first half, Contra reacted by throwing a zone and stifling our deep game.  At first it was business as usual, but a long, drawn-out half resulted in the Z’s taking half 7-6.  Back on serve.  Perhaps it was fatigue from only running 15 guys all weekend, and 14 on Sunday, or the nerves of a final, but their zone ended up getting the best of the O-line on a few more occasions.  Despite the D-lines best efforts, with rookies and vets alike both making outstanding plays to make the WashU O-line take at least 15+ throws and several turns before finally scoring, tired legs finally got to us.  The Zontals dropped the game 12-9.

This was the first final of the year for the Zontals, but despite dropping it to a sectional rival, we're ready to improve and make sure when we're in the next final we're ready to go.  Gearing up for MLC in two weeks:  Refocus and Reload.

Here we go BoyZ
J. "The Best Kotzman" Kotz

Friday, October 02, 2015

After experiencing the logistical nightmare that is Manhattan Project (worst tournament organization ever) Friday night, everyone was excited to go out and play Saturday. We split teams up into an X and Y team and played our respected pools. Both teams ended with a good record of 2-2, only the Y team went onto the championship bracket though because Y beat X in a cross over game. Like I said, earlier worst tournament organization ever. In order to prepare for Sunday's games, the Z's did what Z's do best, they win the party. There was particularly strong showing from Nate Daugg and Trent who both were MVP's in winning the party for us. They definitely recovered for Sunday's games though. Trent, Tommy and Dennis both went from X to Y to try and take down those K-State Alumns but to no avail. Y team won all their other games and got a respectable 5th place. X had a tremendous showing from the rookies Sunday as we face nonstop zone points. The rookies pick up zone O fairly well and by the end of the second game we were shredding cups, The X team ended up taking 12th place with only a few vets on the team at this point so the rookies on X really did an outstanding job. 

Our next major thing coming up is try outs for the A and B team. That should be happening within the next couple weeks so stay tuned.


Friday, September 25, 2015

Manhattan Project 2015

We have made the pilgrimage today to Manhattan for KSU's annual tournament. We have brought approximate 40 players, a lot of them rookies eager for their first tournament, to be divided into an X team and Y team. It will be a fun weekend for everyone. Expect a tournament report to be published sometime next week.


Saturday, September 12, 2015

Get ready for some SWAG

Waddup Z-Nation! This 2015-16 HorrorZontal ultimate season, we are going to be selling some SWAG, or in the words of Michael G. Scott, from our beloved show, The Office, "Stuff We All Get". To Start the season off we are going to give you a little look into our fall pennies and our NEW DISC Design. Be on the lookout for some other sweet SWAG to come out and if you are interested in purchasing any gear, send us an email and we will hook you up!

Love you Z-Boyz

Monday, August 31, 2015

The 2015-2016 college season official began today with the first practice of the year. We had a lot of new faces come out as well as a lot of returning ones from last year. It looks like this year the Zontals will have a great recruiting class. Their education of ultimate will continue at tomorrow's practice. Hopefully we will have them fully ready for Manhattan Project, the first fall tournament we will go to. I know I am looking forward to watching their development and will try to keep this website updated semi frequently with posts about the team.

Ready to play,

Friday, April 17, 2015


Hello Z Nation,

It's that time of year again. College Series 2015!!! To start off the road to victory, the Zontals will be travelling to St. Louis this weekend to crush some fools in our section. Expect updates.

"Victory is never spontaneous. The desire for it must be sowed into the minds of the willing. Those who will tend to it, protect it, and fight for it until the seeds come to fruition. Only then can the sweet reward of victory be reaped."
~Me, just now

Get stoked,

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Old Capitol Open

Hello Zontal Nation

I know it has been a while since we last updated this godforsaken place, but hey nothing is perfect (except Brooks Hidaka's hair). I will be laying down some phat news for everyone to keep up with current Horrorzontals affairs. I will try to keep updates frequent because I know you guys love to know what goes on with the Zboyz.

This weekend, the Zontals made their way up to Cedar Rapids, IA to compete in the Old Capitol Open hosted by Iowa Hawkeye Ultimate Club. The day started off strong with a first round bye. The first game was against Valparaiso. After giving away an early break, the Zontals come up with the lead at half 7-3. That's when the big dicks were flung out. Finishing the game with a HOT bookends by Kyle "Johnny Utah" Strickland and holding back Valpo to a measly 2 point gain in the second half, your very own Zboyz walk away from their first game blazing with a 13-5 victory!

Next victim: Wisconsin-B. These guys are no pushovers, but no team is better at hanging dong than the Zontals, believe it! The game started breakless up to 5-4, but some good old fashion Zontal hucks made quick work of the rest to end the half up 7-4. Beginning of the second half, the Zboyz get straight to it and go up 10-4 thanks to some smooth throws and smart cuts by Alex "Meatman Jr." Dennis,  Jakob "Jive Hat" Yedo, and Matt "Primetime" Primovich. After an incident with alleged corduroy pants and some long grinding ultimate action, the Zs come up with another fat W, winning 13-8. That's what Zontals do, baby!

A wild Wisconsin-Black River Falls appeared! I choose you, Horrorzontals! The boyZ unleashed hell on these poor guys, catching scores faster than I can count (my mom says I can count real fast). Letting BRF have a point for showing up, the Zs took first half with authority 7-1. And just when you thought it couldn't be more perfect, the team tightened up their game even more! The disc flow was so strong that we witnessed the very first case of spontaneous combustion of a disc. Rookie Zs saw some quality playing time this half and took full advantage of it by playing their hearts out; that's the sort of thing that makes me proud to call myself a Zontal. In the end, the good guys absolutely dominated the third game of the day 13-1! Need some ice for those bruised dicks, BRF?

Last game of the day was against a formidable Duluth team. The boyZ took an early lead but saw it fade away as Duluth tied it up to 4s. Zontals were fighting hard and playing tough, but ended up losing half 5-7. After a much needed speech by the honorable Nathan "Nate Daugg" Bray, the Zs jump back into the fire for their last half of the day. All of second half, the Z squad inched closer to tying it up with Duluth, including a sweet huck from Eric "Winks" Winkler to Primetime for a break to put the Zontals within 2, score 9-11. A fight well fought, but the boyZ were handed their first and only loss of the day.

Not too shabby, eh? Horrorzontals ripped a whole lot o' dicks for a 3-1 record in pool play and will begin play in the championship bracket tomorrow! It's a great day to be a Zontal!